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I’ve Gotta Be Me…
By Tonya Jone Miller | September 5, 2007
Wow…What a difference a word makes! *smiles* Five small letters…And it feels so LIBERATING…
I remember when I was a kid, teachers and other adults would ask what I wanted to be when I grew up…Well the answer, which always earned chuckles and condescending glances, was that I wanted to be ME…Funny, but true…When I thought about my dream job, it consisted of someone paying me to just be myself…Not that I’m lazy- far from it- but I guess I couldn’t comprehend doing something I hated (which would turn me into a different person) to make a living…
Fast forward a couple of decades, and of course I’ve had soul-sucking jobs like anyone else, though thankfully relatively few…But now I find myself doing something I feel I was truly born to do…Be MYSELF…A pervy, fun, caring, creative, deviant liver of life and lover of all things erotic…My job- my LIFE- is sharing who I am and listening to those who choose to share themselves with me…How lucky am I? *huge grin*
And OH MY GOD are the calls even hotter than ever…I really don’t think I can begin to explain…It is just my nature to be truthful, and even a shred of dishonesty can put me out of sorts…Open expression of desire has always been a big turn on, and now that I need hold nothing back it’s as if my capacity for pleasure has expanded tenfold…
Of course, the name change does come with a metric fuckload of extra work…Text and links galore to change all over the BCB website, various profiles (Yahoo, LJ, etc.) to edit, not to mention trying to explain to everyone in some way that makes sense…I still can’t exactly say WHY it finally seemed like the time to “come out” so to speak, but I do know it was RIGHT…I felt it as soon as I made the decision to reveal myself completely and posted my last journal…Like I was instantly floating, light, above the negativity of this world…I am celebrating love and lust and all the people that make my life possible…Thank you, thank you, thank you!
On the acting horizon, I have three auditions over the next week and a half, plus I’m volunteering at a 24 Hour Play festival at Coho Theater this Sunday…I don’t get to perform, but I am on the list as an actor, writer, and director for upcoming 24 Hour Play events, so I’m not bummed I didn’t make it in time for this one…Besides, it never hurts to lend a helping hand, and it will be a good way for me to meet some local theaterfolk…I think I’m more or less over my “Education of Rebecca” post-production depression and ready to move on to the next project…Strangely enough, two of the three upcoming auditions are for Shakespeare, which is odd because I’d been thinking how I’d like to do something classical again…Since heightened text doesn’t intimidate me, I like working on older plays…Anyway, just nice to feel like leaving NYC doesn’t mean less chances to act…Hell, for what I want to do, there might actually be MORE opportunity here in Portland…Ahhh the irony…Lol…
Whew. I’m pretty spent, but feeling incredibly accomplished…Howard and I have what seems like a mountain of work to do, but somehow neither of us is overwhelmed or cranky…I can only take it to mean that we are making the right decisions and changes that will benefit Bay City Blues, our clients, and our girls…The pieces are sliding into place…Now won’t you come slide into ME? *winks*
Love,
Tonya
P.S. Don’t forget that our 4th Annual Bay City Blues Football Promotion kicks off this Sunday…Send in your entries every week to be eligible to win free phone sex calls with the delicious BCB vixen of your choice!
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