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Unbelievable…
By Tonya Jone Miller | October 29, 2008
It never ceases to amaze me how the Universe works…So many different things going on in my life and yet they are all interconnected in wonderful ways. I’m going to try to tell the story, but it’s rather convoluted so forgive me in advance…
I ran into friend briefly at Toro Bravo the other night who mentioned I don’t write as much as I used to. Of course that’s true, for a myriad of reasons. Now that I’m more heavily involved in theatre and performance than I ever have been during my phone sex career, I find myself spread increasingly more thin. There is tons of writing involved in my rehearsal and character exploration process, so it leaves me less inspired to blog. And in a weird way, I also feel less myself. It’s not that I lose myself in a character so much as I find myself in a character, but that requires thinking, reacting, and approaching the world in a different way than I might normally.
I usually take time off between projects to decompress and get caught up at Bay City Blues, but moving directly from Prelude to a Kiss into rehearsals for After Ashley has got me feeling a little under the gun. In addition, I’m taking an amazing advanced scene study class and some private coaching with a brilliant local actor/director, Michael Mendelson. I feel like he is really helping me address some of my personal challenges as an actor, but it truly takes effort and means more time for rehearsals with my scene partner and work on my own for our private sessions. Completely worth it, though, because I can feel the difference already.
And the craziness is not nearly over. I’ve just been cast as part of the ensemble for Inviting Desire, which will be a collaborative work about women’s sexuality and fantasies which will be premiering as part of the Fertile Ground New Works Festival in January. I am so excited to be a part of this project! It’s right up my alley and will be a powerful, enlightening, SEXY evening of theatrical performace. Plus, I really like the rest of the women involved. It’s nice to connect with strong, sexual females- makes me feel like I’m not alone in the world, you know? There ~are~ other women who are brave enough to live openly kinky, sex-positive lives. Yay!!!
So yes, basically this means I’ll be working on at least one project and sometimes two until the end of January! Can you believe it? I feel like my acting career is really taking off, though I’m sure that means different things for me than it might for some. I’m getting to work on worthwhile, thought-provoking material as much as I want, and am even in the enviable position of turning down offers and eschewing auditions for the time being. Besides, I think I’ll want to take a little break after Inviting Desire since it will be six months straight of theatre work by the time it’s over. (And if it’s a success, we might re-mount it after the festival or attempt to tour it or who knows…)
Now if that weren’t enough…This all comes together at a time when I’m feeling…Tested…When I “came out” as a phone sex operator, I did so because I believe society as a whole must have proof that a strong, sexy, kinky woman who makes a living in the sex industry can also be a kind, loving, caring, contributor to the community. Unless those of us who are willing and able step up and live without shame, people will continue to believe all sex workers are somehow evil, wrong, and/or bad. I choose to be a living example to the contrary, and when I made that choice, I knew there would be repercussions…
For example, the other day I was informed that they needed to take the link to this website off of the Portland Playhouse website. I do not blame them at all, though I did tell them I wouldn’t be censoring myself when I write here. One of my co-stars is 17, so you can probably figure out why it’s a touchy issue. (Although I have to say he is infinitely more savvy and aware than most 27-year-olds I know, but the law is the law, and I don’t even want to get near it.) Also, as a new company, they are actively seeking sponsors and advertisers and again, the concerns are obvious. It really doesn’t upset me that they removed the link- to be truthful, I was shocked when they put it up in the first place. But I am glad they chose to address the situation with me directly as opposed to just deleting the link. I do understand, but it only makes me more determined not to hide who I am. People need to know a life like mine is possible and needn’t be lived in shame or regret.
The very next day, I was contacted by the casting director of a television production company in the Los Angeles area. (Stay with me, I know it seems like I’m jumping all over the place.) They stumbled upon Chef Crush and just like I’ve always said, they thought it could make a great reality travel/food show. Can you believe that!?! This is a serious company. International players. They produce programming for the BBC and major cable and broadcast networks. I guarantee if I started reeling off the names of their shows, you’d have heard of them, but I’m not going to get ahead of myself. What I know is that it’s the Hollywood machine and runs on hype…If one person comes sniffing, chances are more will follow…
I sent them some photos of Ingrid and me, along with my basic ideas for a show. But then I started to freak out. I thought, “they’re never going to give me a tv show, not with my background.” That’s the direction I started to head. And yet, teenage twins just moved in with octogenarian Hugh Hefner, presumably for better ratings…David Duchovny reveals his sex addiction…Porn stars vie for a job in “legitimate” business in one reality show…Seems to me these days that sex scandals often make more stars than break them, unless of course the parties involved are politicians or clergy members. So what’s to say me being an aural courtesan would bother anyone at all?
Ok, then the realist in me says it could be a dealbreaker, especially for major corporations and brand names like oh say, the Food Network. And the pacifist in me says oh maybe you could tone down the sex on your blog or organize it so it’s less in-your-face. And then the ME in me says…FUCK THEM. This is me. I am charming and funny and would make an excellent show host. If people can’t handle my sexuality, that is THEIR problem. If it limits them from knowing me or hiring me, that is THEIR loss. And I feel like getting Inviting Desire was the reminder I needed that I can and should stay true to myself. Gay men and women who come out of the closet can’t just go back in when it’s convenient. And neither can I. I cannot deny who I am just to make a quick buck or get my face on tv. It would make me the worst kind of hypocrite, and I would not be able to live with myself.
So there you have it. Why I’m busy, why I haven’t written…No lack of good in my life and an abundance of love and joy. Share it with me?
Topics: My Life | 3 Comments »
October 29th, 2008 at 6:26 pm
That is totally AWESOME! I am happy for you
Good Luck getting the tv show!
E
October 30th, 2008 at 1:55 pm
Congrats..I always knew I’d be saying…”Hey I knew her before she was a household name”..LOL. Seriously, I am psyched for you Tonya. It seems we are all getting good things from the universe lately.
November 1st, 2008 at 8:45 pm
If this takes off, it’ll be *too* cool, especially because they’ll have the bestest hostess. I *so* hope this goes somewhere.
(As is my nature, though, I expect the worst, or at least the, well, least. Hundreds of pilots die in the smog of LA. Don’t let ‘em get too much outta you without delivering somethin’.)