For the longest time, I thought that Angel was my favorite of Whedon’s shows, but over time the Firefly/Serenity world has stolen my favor. Pretty much everything set in the 90′s seems obviously outdated to me, what with all the technology that has come around in the past 20 years, but Firefly’s imagined future only seems more and more possible as times goes on. Anyway, it’s hard not to love ALL the Firefly characters, but what girl with Daddy issues wouldn’t have a thing for Nathan Fillion’s rough, wounded, quietly (and sometimes, not-so-quietly) heroic Captain Malcolm Reynolds? Hell, even his nickname “Mal” is hot.

I have followed Fillion’s career, with just a trace of bittersweet nostalgia for all the Firefly episodes that never were. I enjoy his current show, NBC’s Castle, as a fun, lighter twist on the ubiquitous police procedurals dotting prime time. So I felt both great excitement and massive trepidation when I realized a recent Castle episode included a character who was a phone sex operator. I’m always curious (and, unfortunately, usually disappointed) by how the media portrays this industry. Without further ado, here is my evaluation of what they got right and what they got wrong…

The murder victim turns out to be a phone sex operator. The cops trace her paychecks to an address which is at the end of a cluttered hallway that looks like it’s under construction. Lo and behold, it’s the call center of Dial-A-Goddess, complete with glass-enclosed and not-quite-soundproof cubicles.

Where do I start? I’m sure that call centers still exist, but with technology today, it’s unnecessary overhead. Why pay for an office, phone lines, electricity, etcetera, if instead you can route all the calls to an operator’s home or cell? I guess it makes sense for financial reasons to put a call center in a cheap, run-down building, but the inside of the office looked fairly new and clean, so the insinuation is really that a business of this type needs to be hidden away. The only pso’s I know who have worked in call centers did so 15-20 years ago. Though I’m sure they still exist, they are certainly not the norm any longer.

None of the women were actually masturbating and getting off. I realize the general presumption is that we phone sex operators don’t actually enjoy our work, but putting the women in glass boxes certainly ensures it. Only one of the operators, a Domme type, seemed to be getting into and enjoying her call. And of course, all of the operators were shown doing other things while talking to paying customers: knitting, playing solitaire, surfing the web, reading, doing crossword puzzles, twisting a Rubik’s cube. I realize this is the concept the general public has of what I do, but do you really think I could have supported myself for over eight years if I didn’t give my clients their money’s worth? Hell no.

Would you like to know what phone sex can be like from the operator’s side? Let my try and explain by putting it into a non-sexual context. We’re going to talk for fifteen minutes about…Making perfect poached eggs annnnnd GO! I might not say anything from here on out, but just know that poached eggs are my thing. So if you get it wrong, you might be babbling for at least a good five minutes to someone who knows better. And oh yeah, I’m paying $3 per minute to talk to you on your boss’s recommendation. Why aren’t you saying anything? Why aren’t you giving me PERFECT poached eggs?

Assuming you actually want to give the person perfectly poached eggs, would you really be able to do it while trying to do anything else? Phone sex is essentially an erotic improvisation- how many professional actors do you see on SNL knitting and reading (if it’s not a part of the actual skit) in the middle of a scene? When was the last time you went to see a play, and the star was texting during his big monologue? It doesn’t happen because they are professionals, and when they are working they are expected to focus 100% on their job. It doesn’t bother me that most people assume phone sex operators are the opposite- indeed, I’ve known my fair share who prove the stereotype. However it is somewhat ignorant and insulting to assume that NO pso gives her clients the time and attention they pay for.

One thing the Castle show did get right? They had all types of operators- young, granny, attractive, plain, skinny, and overweight- and not a single one would you think “oh yeah she’s obviously a phone sex operator” if you walked by her on the street. In fact, at one point the manager of the phone sex company is asked why the victim would have left a promising career as a professor to become a phone sex operator. Her response: “maybe she liked it. We get all types, students, actresses, moms. I had an accountant who liked the challenge. And it turned her on. It’s a powerful thing to make a client lust for you.”

Of course, after the pso is murdered, the police assume it has to do with her job. Which it sort of does, though most people would jump to the same false conclusion that the detectives on the show do: that she was murdered by a deranged or obsessed caller who somehow discovered her identity. It never ceases to amaze me how many people ask me about this, especially because I use my real identity as my phone sex persona. The simple truth is that most of my callers have much more to lose by being “outed” than I do. I don’t worry about obsessed callers, because I’m not greedy and I don’t lead clients on or fuel their desires with false hopes. I choose not to live in fear of the small percentage of whackjobs out there who could find me if they wanted to, regardless of whether I do phone sex or not. But I will say the assumption that I should expect that kind of negative attention and danger because of my work gets tiresome.

To be fair, the victim on the show was killed because of something she heard on a call- turns out a drunk, remorseful caller spilled secrets of a conspiracy to bring down NYC’s mayor. While I don’t think anything I’ve heard would be worth killing for, I have certainly been privy to information that was none of my business. Family secrets, infidelities, financial schemes, you name it. For a long time, I had a guy who called me from inside the Pentagon. (Though his fantasies in no way compromised national security, I assure you.) On Castle, the detectives scouring the call logs mention calls coming from “the Met, banks, and several high-profile brokerage houses.” I will also add international law firms, Hollywood studios, and the locker rooms of major sports arenas to that list. Just to name a few.

The two phone sex callers they depicted on the show were actually not the stereotypes I expected and feared. The first was a good-looking, slightly ethnic, nervous, tattooed computer geek who picked up his hacking skills in prison. The jumpy ex-con thing, not so much. The cute and geeksmart part, more on target. The second caller (and the one indirectly responsible for her death) was a handsome, clean cut aide in the mayor’s office. Both intelligent and attractive, surprisingly neither the stereotypical media image (sloppy, slobby child molester/dirty old man) of a phone sex patron.

The cops track the first caller by calls billed to his 89 year-old grandmother. No way a guy using a card with a woman’s name wouldn’t get hassled by any company keeping an eye on fraud. It’s a huge problem in this industry, and if you can’t take credit cards you have no business, so (smart) phone sex companies are very protective of their merchant processing accounts. Sure there are sketchy, sleazy, greedy places out there. But if I know a guy is using someone else’s card, I cut him off, end of story. I don’t want to be a party to credit card fraud and/or identity theft. No amount of money or length of call is worth losing my business.

The phone sex company on the Castle episode recorded all of its calls. Ugh. There are places out there that do this, or so I’ve been told. I could never work for one. Part of what allows me to provide the service I do is knowing that what I talk about stays private. If I knew someone might be listening, that there might be a recording of what I say, I wouldn’t feel as free to explore and be creative. I certainly don’t think my callers would be able to articulate their desires as openly if they thought there might be lasting proof. After all, most of them gravitate to phone sex because for whatever reason, they cannot vocalize their fantasies in real life.

I found the character of the Dial-A-Goddess dispatcher provided the most honest, realistic perspective. When asked “it’s 3 o’clock in the afternoon, is it always this busy?” she replied, “some guys need a morning jolt, some guys need an afternoon pick-me-up.” Contrary to popular belief, my busiest times are usually mid-mornings, not the middle of the night, but calls come in at all hours. When talking about the victim, the dispatcher said that phone sex isn’t just about the sexy talk, that the victim was a successful operator because she was a good listener. And in perhaps my favorite exchange of the entire episode…

Dispatcher: “It’s not just about the sex. Guys call, girls call. They’re looking for release. Sometimes that release is sexual, but sometimes-”

Castle: “-it’s therapy!”

Or so he’s been told. *smirk* I admit I enjoy this episode just for the sheer volume of times I get to hear Nathan Fillion say “phone sex.” But really, I like it because they managed to get it mostly right. They treated phone sex with about as much respect as they could, given the context, and didn’t stoop to making fun of it in the easy and obvious ways. There were some jokes and double entendres, but that’s indicative of the show in general- every episode of Castle has a few silly moments. I made Chaps and Cindy watch the episode with me when we were in Vegas, and they both agreed it was refreshing to see our industry depicted with at least some level of accuracy.

So watch the episode and let me know what you think. There were plenty of other details I could have dissected, but this post doesn’t need to be any longer.

D

Last Thursday I met with my accountant…It was…Difficult…You see, I haven’t always made the best financial decisions, and it has been a long, hard road to get where I am now. I owe the IRS a considerable amount, but I finally have a total, and I actually have almost all the money saved. Plus, I have been diligent this year putting money aside…Still, it hit me hard…It brought up a lot of the past I thought I had gotten over, but which is obviously still affecting me. The good news is that for the first time in my life, I’ve had a financial setback that *I* can handle. I don’t have to ask anyone for help. I can take care of myself. Oh my GOD…I must be an Adult…Shhhh…Don’t tell anyone…*smile*…

To cap it all off, I had a very enlightening conversation with my Colorado Genius, who knew NOTHING of my meeting with the accountant…He ended up reading my tarot and I have no words to describe…He hit a bullseye…Forgive me for sounding melodramatic, but it was a moment I know I will look back upon years from now as seminal and life-changing…My own words fail me, so I will borrow some from one of my favorite episodes of Angel. For those Angel virgins out there…In the espisode “Epiphany,” Angel (a vampire subject to all the classic limitations…no sunlight, no reflection, cannot enter a home without being invited, plasma diet) has saved Kate from death after she swallowed a belly-full of booze and barbituates …

Kate: I feel like such an idiot.
Angel: A lot of that going around.
Kate: i just couldn’t…My whole life has been about being a cop. If I’m not a part of the force, it’s like nothing I do means anything.
Angel: It doesn’t.
Kate: Doesn’t what?
Angel: Mean anything. In the greater scheme, in the big picture, nothing we do matters. There’s no grand plan, no big win.
Kate: You seem kind of chipper about that.
Angel: Well, I guess I kind of worked it out. If there’s no great, glorious end to all this, if nothing we do matters, then all that matters is what we do. Because that’s all there is. What we do. Now. Today. I fought for so long for redemption, for a reward, and finally just to beat the other guy, but…I never got it.
Kate: And now you do?
Angel: Not all of it. All I want to do is help. I want to help, because I don’t think people should suffer as they do. Because if there’s no bigger meaning, then the smallest act of kindness is the greatest thing in the world.
Kate: Yikes. It sounds like you’ve had an epiphany.
Angel: I keep saying that, but nobody’s listening.
Kate: Well, I’m pretty much convinced, since I’m alive to be convinced.
Angel: You know, you don’t have to be a cop to be-
Kate: I’m ok. Anyway, I’m not headed towards another pill-a-thon. I’m very grateful. I never thought you’d come for me, but…I got cut a huge break, and I believe…I don’t know what I believe, but I…Have…Faith…I think maybe we’re not alone in this…
Angel: Why?
Kate: Because I never invited you in.

GIves me chills every time…But I won’t blame you if you think I’m a total geek…Lol…Thanks for blessing me with your support and friendship. You all mean the world to me…

Love,
Donna

So it’s Christmas Eve, and I am ensconced on my couch with a fantastic bottle of wine, an enlightening book, and my kitties curled up at my feet. My roommate is buying me dinner at his restaurant tonight, but other than that I’ll be here, waiting for you…Heading to my mom’s tomorrow morning for brunch and presents with her, her boyfriend, my sister, my brother-in-law, my neice, and my nephew…Should be fun…I can’t WAIT for them to see what I got them…Did good on the gifts this year, I think…Ok, I’m going to go get gussied up for dinner…If I don’t talk/see/IM you before then, have a wonderful Christmas!!!

Love,
Donna

I was having this conversation with a friend the other day…We were talking about what I want to accomplish, what I want to say with my one-woman show. As I’ve mentioned before, it is basically about me, my life, and how phone sex has influenced both. In a way, phone sex has been a salvation of sorts for me…Guys thank me all the time, but I often feel I owe them just as much appreciation…You see, I receive just as much as I give…It fills my heart with joy to share happiness with you…Pleasure is a gift I can give…Indeed, one I revel in bestowing on my lovers, both in person and on the phone…Like life, like art, like acting…Phone sex boils down to human contact, a connection made between two people, passionate and honest…So what I want to say with my show is this…We may be radically different, we may have unique kinks, but in the end, we are all just people, doing the best we can with what we have…And I am truly blessed and humbled by the honor of knowing you…

Oh LORD do I owe you all a metric fuckload of thanks…*wink*…Had a smokin’ roleplay with my favorite public defender who was my brother’s friend visiting from college…Mmmm, I love the way you groan when you shoot deep in my ass…*shivering*…Had a WHOLE HOUR with my cuddly Papa Bear who paid some penance for his indiscretions- you won’t be misbehaving anytime soon, will you, you little scamp? Lol…Have had nearly FOUR WHOLE HOURS with Miss Donna’s Pet, who is so deliciously devoted to me, he can deny me nothing. We even had an HOUR LONG TWO GIRL CALL with Sky, who the naughty little boy had been wanting to sodomize…I loved the calls from your car, sweet pea…So dangerous! It’s lucky the cop was nice…Lol…Had two hot interludes with my gay-porn-watching little brother who I forced to suck my boyfriend’s cock so I wouldn’t tell Mom and Dad…Hmmm, wonder what I’ll catch you doing next…My Staten Island sweetheart called me just to chat and then gave me a SIZZLING TWO GIRL CALL with Enticing Mona who took his cock all the way up her sweet sphincter…Love the sound of you pumping your load into her…Turned a BRAND NEW HYPNO CALLER into a pretty princess who I hope calls back so I can finish her transformation…*wink*…Oh my California boy toy is such a dirty man! We had a rockin’ THREE GIRL ORGY with Heather and Lizzy, then he called me from DC after he got back from his trip to Amsterdam (LUCKY!) for a rare one-on-one chat and to make arrangements for a very special call…So here it is…He called Heather and me while one of my fuck buddies was over! OH MY FUCKING GOD, talk about HOT…Taking it hard from behind while i heard them on the phone…Jesus, babe, you were right- that really was one for the record book of hottest phone sex calls ever…*smiles*…Mmmmm TWO SLIPPERY CALLS with a very naughty femme left her dripping and moaning at work…Oh Angie, you are such a gorgeous SLUT for me…My Snuff Daddy surprised me TWICE to make me squirt as only he knows how…I’ve missed you, Daddio…Have I mentioned how I shiver when my Chicago writer slips into bed with me? Oh darling, you put a secret smile on my face, a slick sheen on my body…There are so many things I could say, but you already know them all…Ooooh had a HOT TWO GIRL CALL with Wicked Little Erin and my Nasty J-man, who fucked us in all sorts of crazy positions before spraying his load all over our faces…Thanks for the memories…LOL…Damn, my hometown banker is sexy as FUCK! Thanks for the stunning orgasms, hot stuff! My sexy HYPNO DADDY is completely enveloped in the tapestries I weave for him with my sweet voice…I love taking you to the edge over and over, cresting that wave with you, and exploding with that ultimate abandon…The terrible tease lived up to his name, drawing out the torture over nearly an hour- I like talking with you on a different level, babe…*kiss*…My Colorado genius is at a crossroads, but he’ll always have his Dirty Girl…Had a lovely time with a BRAND NEW CALLER from Michigan who learned how very warm and welcoming my mouth is…Thanks for the friendly chat afterwards, babe- it was nice getting to know more about you…Oh MDD you are such a dirty slut for me…I delight in the way you open up, taking me all the way and begging for more…AMAZING ORGY ALERT!!! Can you even fucking IMAGINE Sky, Nikki, Alexa, and me on one call together? One man did, and let me tell you, he probably STILL hasn’t recovered…LOL…Told a BRAND NEW CALLER exactly how to stroke his cock and made him spray his load for me like a good boy…Y’all come back for another stroking lesson soon, y’hear? *laughing* My devoted HYPNO ROBOT SLAVE is so enamored of me, a mere phrase triggers a physical response…You’d better hope red mini-skirts are out this season…LOL…Oh Special K, Special K…I adore your dirty mind and the way you coax those body-wracking orgasms from me…I used my sexy Glen like the strap-on-loving slut that he is, and made him cream those pretty panties of his…Thanks for the FIVE MINUTE TIP, sweetness! FINALLY got to connect with my travelling lawyer who I’ve really been missing of late, and he told me all about hiring an escort in Las Vegas who brought a HUGE-COCKED man along with her…I think you should carry that tape measure with you all the time, darling, just as a reminder of how you measure up…*wink*…Plus, my employee slave called again to please his bitchy boss…At least you know your worth, my dear…Holy hell, look at those calls! That was quite a mouthful…In more ways than one…LOL…I’m really, really sorry if I left anyone out, but you WILL forgive me, won’t you? *warm smile*

So what’s on my agenda for the immediate future? Well, the best part is, I don’t really HAVE an agenda…Haha…But I do plan to write as the ideas come to me, plus I have a couple auditions lined up next week, so I need to put some time in working my monologues. Doing the Avril Lavigne show next week…I know, I know, I said I was done with production, but it’s just one day, and it’s a big money show…Christmas IS coming after all, and while I try not to fall victim to mindless consumerism, there are some special people on my shopping list…Plus they want me to train Charlie, the new production manager they hired. He is actually an old pal of mine- years ago, I gave him his first job in the business…Funny how certain people migrate in and out of your life over time, isn’t it?

Ok, time for dinner. I got seasons one and three of Angel on DVD the other day- found them used for $30 each and couldn’t resist…So I’ll be spending the evening with a laconic vampire hero and a bottle of burgundy…Unless of course you want to interrupt me with a couple of breath-taking orgasms….LOL…

Love,
Donna