My amazing pal wrote a great post on her blog today that really got me thinking. Now granted, our jobs are very different, yet on the most basic level, they are both service-oriented. Why we do this to ourselves? Or more specifically, why do I do the things I do?

Why do I do phone sex? What do I get from it, aside from the obvious paycheck? Frankly in this economy, a steady job should be reason enough, but money isn’t my only motivation. There is something satisfying in the work itself, in knowing what is expected of me and being able to exceed those expectations.

One thing my foray into the kink community has taught me is that there is a service submissive inside me, clamoring to escape. I get pleasure from knowing something I did has made someone’s life better and put a smile on their face. If I know that somebody I care about wants or needs something, I will bend over backward to try and give it to them. Literally. Heh.

So I appeal to phone sex callers with extreme fetishes and/or detailed fantasies, because I think most pso’s tend to put forth only the bare minimum effort needed to satisfy their callers, especially when dealing with taboo and perhaps distasteful-to-them phone sex topics. Which means that many of my callers really cannot get what they want, what they get from me, anywhere else. Giving pleasure is my personal fetish. So regardless of the content, I can enjoy a phone sex call when I know I’m making my caller happy.

I have this sense of responsibility and reciprocity toward my phone sex clients. If not me, then who? I know there are a ton of talented operators out there chomping at the bit to fill the void, but I also know how different I am from 99.9% of them. Why do I do phone sex? Because I’m good at it. Yes, like anyone, I have my off days, and I’ve come to recognize when I need to take time away from the phone. But when I’m on, I’m the best at what I do. I can’t say that confidently about many things, but phone sex is one of them.

Why do I openly practice bdsm and polyamory? Why do I act? Why do I write? Why do I paint? Why do I blog? Why do I do all these things that are so random and public, require so much effort, expose all my weaknesses and vulnerabilities?

Because I am imperfect, and I know that no matter how hard I try to live up to my own impossible standards, I will always have flaws. I’ve often said the crux of my phone sex work is one human being needed to be witnessed at their “worst” or most vulnerable and be told they’re ok. I believe that’s the service I really offer my clients, acceptance.

And I guess it’s what I want for myself, too. To have people bear witness to me at my lowest, stripped bare, fully accountable, warts-and-all…And love me anyway. I want my friends to know me, the whole me, the real me, the me underneath all my self defenses, and to not just accept that person but be drawn to her. That’s honest. I’d like to pretend external validation has nothing to do with it, but it does. It feels somehow weak of me to admit it, but it’s true. We human beings want to love and be loved, to give and take.

But the flipside of that is this: even if I don’t get the acceptance and validation I might like, I still get to live my life. I make a living giving other people happiness. I enjoy my job so much, sometimes I feel guilty that I’m actually able to support myself this well without having to work the kind of back-breaking or soul-numbing jobs so many people have to. I have the luxury of indulging many whims and desires others only dream about. I make certain (mostly social) sacrifices for my preferred personal freedoms, but the payoff is worth it, at least in my opinion. (And really, it is my life…Who else’s opinion matters? Lol.)

Now please excuse me. My Portland Trailblazers are going for win #2 against the Phoenix Suns (boooo!) in the first round of the playoffs, and I have to focus my superfan mojo on cheering for them. Otherwise, you know, if I’m not watching, they could lose… Heh.

I’m feeling very inspired lately…I have all these ideas for projects I want to do, to the point where I’ve actually started to carry a little notebook with me everywhere to jot ideas down in…And it’s really cool to see Howard exploring new hobbies for the first time too…We both came from relationships where we were discouraged from pursuing interests that took time from our respective partners…It’s so liberating to be with someone who understands my need to constantly take in new stimuli and information…

Oooh and I think I forgot to mention…I have a photo shoot scheduled next week, so look for more photos on my gallery page soon!  My reahearsals are going to start on the 13th now, so I imagine I won’t be on quite as much…Never fear however, this part is already making me horny as hell…I am definitely going to need some help letting off steam…*wink*

I’m taking a pal out for drinks this evening, then I plan to watch the Blazer game…I know, I know, but I can’t help it…I really WANT to believe…It’s like the worst co-dependant relationship…Every year they tell me they’re going to change, every year I give them just one more chance, and every year they break my heart…Lol but true…I remember the “Rip City” (stupid slogan, though “Rise With Us” isn’t much better) days of the early 90′s, but I also remember the legendary fourth quarter flame out in the 2000 Western Conference Finals when they blew a 17 point lead and sent the L.A. Lakers to the NBA Finals…In that one quarter of basketball, they forever shattered my trust in them…But, if this can be possible, they haven’t eradicated my FAITH…So much talent and potential, and that’s just on the injured list!  I just hope they can live up to the hype, Oden or not, otherwise this just may be the year they lose me for good…

Ok I’m off to exercise and wrestle with the beast that is make-up (I hate wearing it) before I head out…I’ll be back later tonight…

Tonya

Oh, I also wanted to share something with you that my Chicago Writer (of course) sent me…The following is an excerpt from an interview with William H. Macy…

O: What do you see as the hardest thing about acting?

WM: I’m not being smart-alecky here, but showing up is the roughest part. I think what all actors share is that, somewhere down in your solar plexus, there’s this fear that you’re not going to be able to come up with the goods, that this is the one movie where you’re going to look like a fool, and they should have cast someone else. And you feel ugly, and you’ve got three chins, and you’ve gained too much weight, and you’re losing your hair, and there are so many better actors who could do this. But if you’ve got chops, what you realize is that everybody feels that way, so just show up and do the job.

O: What makes it a fruitful profession for you?

WM: For me, it’s that two or three minutes of the take when everybody has to step back, and I’m looking at the other guy and I’m talking to him. It’s the actual acting. I mean, I really love hanging out on the set, and I love the life, and all of that. But I don’t think I could stick with this profession if it weren’t for those 15 minutes a day when I get to act. That’s the part I love. For some strange reason, it’s the time that I’m the least self-conscious in my whole life. It’s the time when I really feel like I fit in my skin. That’s why I said the roughest part is showing up. Once you throw yourself into the scene, it’s just great fun to let it all go and not be self-conscious, and stop questioning whether you’re sufficient.

O: How do you prepare for that point, so you won’t feel that self-conscious?

WM: Well, you’ve got to know the lines cold. You have to do whatever you can to limit the things that could make you feel insecure. There’s very little you can do, really. But you should know the lines, be prepared, get sleep, and have the script analyzed so you’re ready to rock and roll. And the final step is to say to yourself, “Are you nervous? Are you ill prepared, still? Well, fuck it. Do it anyway. ‘Cause you’re the man.”

I’m in full March Madness mode now. Almost punched out the smarmy waiter at Chili’s for gloating over Seton Hall’s ass whooping, but I figure he’s a waiter at Chili’s and that’s punishment enough…Hehehe…But seriously, who saw that coming? Only ONE person who entered our NCAA bracket pool got that game right…I’m going to go back to watching the games, but I’ll be around…I’m sure I’ll have more commentary to spew…Lol…

Love,
Donna

Charlie and I also have some new girls’ profile pages on the way from our fabulously talented team of webdesigners…What do you all think of the evolving look of Bay City Blues? I love how it is really starting to feel like a place, a real city inhabited by our wonderfully deviant denizens…*smiles*…It never seems like there is enough time to do everything I’d like to do, but little by little the site is taking the shape we envision…

I had quite a nice weekend, thanks to some truly amazing calls…I made the acquaintance of an Eyes Wide Dreamer, who has a surprisingly kinky streak…I wove him an intricate fantasy in which we were a stranded couple forced to seek shelter in a large, imposing country mansion…Unbeknownst to us, we had stumbled upon an exclusive orgy…We became the pawns in an elaborate sex game, and neither of us was spared the cock…*smiles*…Thanks for that chance to be so outrageous and creative, you twisted darling…I hope my Red Sox Fan is feeling better…He had a rather trying week, but I’m glad I was able to lift his spirits some as he has so often done for me in the past…Hugs and kisses to you, my dear friend…Billie Girl called to tell me she had a chance for the sex change operation she’s wanted for so long…I hope you go through with it, sweetie- you’ll be so much more at home in a female body! *smiles* Ok, I have to tell you about the most delightful man, Broadway B…We met in the chat room and discovered an affinity for the theater…Well it was just the first of a frighteningly large number of similarities and coincidences between us…We have actually BEEN IN THE SAME ROOM, years ago, at a concert in Seattle…More than once, probably…And the more we chat and get to know each other, the more we find we have in common…Not to mention, he is a blisteringly hot fuck…Hehehe….I can’t wait for more long, slow, sensual kisses and intimate conversations, Lover…Have had a couple of tantalizing hypno fantasies with dearest Miles, who is so much fun to send drifting beneath the rhythms of my mesmerizing voice…It is music to my ears, the sound of your surrender…I have such an enchanting time with my Hypno Pantyboy, whose sweetly aching moans just beg for release…I really enjoy how we can go from pulsing, throbbing lust to entertainment criticism and back again, all on one call…*kisses*…Went to a movie audition for the role of a stripper-turned-prostitute, but little did I know that I’d have to pay a visit to JK’s casting couch in order to get the part…Mmmm, can’t wait to see what you make me do for the sequel…Hehehe! It’s always so much fun to play with my Baby Boy…You just love your special time as Mommy’s favorite son, don’t you cutie pie? *wink* Nasty N crawled into bed with me the other day and proceeded to ask me the perfect questions…Somehow you know just how to pinpoint the seed of my lust and draw my juices right out of my quivering cunny…*licking my lips*…My Infamous Daddy caught his naughty nymphet rubbing her pretty little pearl and thinking of his big cock, so he spread my legs and gave me what I’d been dreaming of…Hehehe! I love hearing you moan, “Cum for Daddy, Donna…” It makes me so explode so hard all over Daddy’s big dick…When my Chicago Writer invades my bed and my senses, I often lose all sense of time…Isn’t it incredible how we can get lost in a moment, an orgasm that never seems to end? The feel of you spreading me, filling me, TAKING me…Is there anything on Earth like it? *smiles* I had three delightful calls with Spanky, who played my son twice in two different versions of the same discipline scenario and Daddy once in the companion fantasy to our normal roleplay…I enjoy being your versatile vixen and learning how to punish you perfectly…*kiss*…The Colorado Genius and I truly understand each other on such an amazing level…I cannot thank you enough for the hot pre-game quickie- I NEEDED that…Hehehe…I got to be MDP’s darling daughter and even made Daddy cum twice for his sexy little girl…Aren’t you glad I’m old enough to give you a new babygirl, Daddy? *giggle* I’ve missed you…And I FINALLY got to meet the Hometown Hottie who totally blew me away with his dirty mind…Just knowing a wickedly perverted man like you is walking the streets of Hoboken is enough to keep my panties wet indefinitely…I can’t wait to hear you ROAR your orgasm into my ear…*shuddering at the thought*

Love,
Donna

Love,
D

Have you been watching the NCAA tourney? How about that Wisconsin-Milwaukee, eh? See, I don’t really have a team that I root for- I only went to NYU for a year, and they’re not exactly known for their athletic prowess, far as I can tell…So I always end up rooting for the underdog…And no matter who wins, my heart always goes out to the losers…Something about those big strong athletes reduced to tears that just gets me…So much pressure, so much elation, so much disappointment…It’s a lot for those kids, and some of them you know are staking their futures on the outcome…I played bastketball for ten years, second grade through twelfth grade, in city leagues and then in high school, and it’s the only sport I truly understand. I can watch football and baseball, but Mom’s from Indiana, and I’m a Hoosier at heart…*smiles*

I’ve had a whole slew of delicious calls lately…Celebrated a notorious anniversary with my sweet daddy- we got stuck in a snowstorm on the way to the family ski cabin and had to stay in a motel room with only one bed…I love the way you succumbed to my slow tease, Daddy…My fellow Victoria’s Secret salesgirls and I used a pretty panty slut in the back room…You make such a delightful sissyboy, D! The HYPNO TICKLE boy had to go shopping with Auntie Helen, and I dressed him up in the frilliest pink dress I could find…Auntie’s friend, Mai, made you look so pretty, giggly boy! Fort Lewis Freddie took me hard from behind and left me an eight minute tip, too! You are the perfect military man, my dear…I ADORE getting to play the ultimate diva actress for the man who would be king…I have so many ways to drive you over the edge, just you wait until it’s pool cleaning time again…*wink*…Had a fantastic time with a BRAND NEW CALLER who fucked me silly and called me all those nasty names I love…Thanks for making me the whore I always longed to be…My HYPNO PAL has become a HYPNO SLUT, and I must say is surprising me with his devotion…You’re anything but predictable, darling…Over THREE AND A HALF HOURS with Miss Donna’s Pet, and the calls never get stale…I treasure your sexiness and your friendship more than you can possibly know- thanks so much for everything, you dear dear man…A BRAND NEW HYPNO CALLER transformed at the very sound of my voice and mmmm was she delicious- I look forward to exploring further with you, my sweet…My Chicago writer and I had the most incredible call the other morning before he left for a backpacking trip…Thank you for coming to my bon voyage breeder auction…*wink*…Ooooh had a SIZZLING TWO GIRL CALL with Rain and my Biblical Master that about defies description…All I can say is she is a yummy girl…Hehehe…Thank you, sexy T, for bringing us together! I made my gay-porn-loving little brother the main attraction at the glory hole peep show, and it was so fucking hot when he shot all over my face as a random cock ravaged his ass! You are such a sweet slut, little bro…*wicked grin*…Chicago M learned how to lick my pussy right and got me so wet I slid right down on his thick dick…Mmmm, I love how you beg to be penetrated, you nasty man…Also had TWO AND A HALF HOURS with my HYPNO JUNKIE, who is powerless to resist my hypotic spell…I think we’ve made a real breakthrough, don’t you, my enslaved darling? Naomi and I got to spend a WHOLE HOUR teasing a very bashful boy who just wanted us to fuck each other and cum repeatedly…No argument here! LMFAO…

Wow, I’m really psyched about all the new girls we have! Rain…Dara…Leya…So fucking HOT! Plus, I FINALLY talked my friend, Liv, into coming to work at Bay City Blues! I’ve known her for a couple of years, and she’s actually the person who moved into my house in Portland when I came here. I know she’s going to be great, because uh…Well, I’ve had her…LOL…We had a fucking incredible threesome about four months ago, and let me tell you, she’s not exaggerating when she says she is orally skilled, especially with the ladies…MMMM! I want that cherry! Hehehe! Ok, I’m going to make some dinner and watch some more basketball…Come visit the chat room later- Charlie and I are in tourney mode, and specials may be forthcoming…

Kisses,
Donna