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Financial Domination, also known as FinDom, but which I like to call FiDo, is one of those fetishes that used to induce a groan from me whenever I ran across someone who professed interest in it. It isn’t that I thought it was wrong or disgusting or distasteful in any way, more that up until very recently (more on that later) I believed it doesn’t really exist. Perhaps more accurately, I always thought of it as an impossible fetish.
Impossible fetishes are those fantasies or fetishes you cannot fulfill or satisfy. Not to be confused with those you should not actually engage in (like incest or pedophilia or rape) for ethical reasons. As abhorrent as they are, human beings are capable of committing those acts. If your fantasy is to fuck a horned succubus who has the magical power to make your cock any size she wants? Sorry, that’s not going to happen outside of the realm of fantasy.
To my mind, financial domination phone sex is a slightly different kind of Catch-22. A guy wants to spend all his money on a woman until she bankrupts him? Well, he can do that, but then what? Almost by virtue of definition, if a financial submissive does manage to get his ultimate fantasy, the party is over for him at that point. Even if the memories last the years it takes him to repair his credit, what does he do in the interim? But I’m getting ahead of myself.
I would say 99% of my experiences with self-described financial domination seekers go like this…A guy emails or messages me to tell me he’s interested in financial domination. Stop right there. You want a fetish where you give me money and get nothing in return except maybe some verbal abuse, right? You just failed at your own fetish. See, you can pay to talk to me. I’m a phone sex operator; you know my time is money. And instead of purchasing my services, you essentially just demanded my time for free. I don’t get paid to message or email and you know this because you didn’t have to shell out anything to contact me that way. Do you begin to see the problem here?
Ok fine. It takes me three seconds to respond “then call me and we’ll talk about it.” At this point, if someone continues to try to chat me up online or via email, I block and ignore. If you tell me you want X but expect me to do Y, I’m going to assume you’re full of shit from A to Z. It has been my overwhelming experience that guys who approach me online claiming to want FiDo are really just dangling a carrot to see how much attention they can get from me for free. It turns into reverse financial domination, and I don’t consent.
I get callers on dispatch all the time asking if I can take their money and hang up on them. I tell them I’m happy to process their card and send them to a girl who will do that, but they ALWAYS push. “So I won’t get anything? I just pay you and I’m pathetic right?” At this point, they’ve crossed a line. They’re now engaging me, as the dispatcher not the operator, in their fetish without my consent. If I try to push for their card number, they sidestep “but if I give it to you, I don’t get anything, right?” instead of just giving me the credit card information. I have tried being sweet and patient, I have tried being a bitch, but never have I managed to get one of those guy’s cards processed so an operator can even hang up on them.
I suppose it’s their way of getting their financial domination fetish satisfied without actually having to pay anything, but again I say this constitutes a fetish FAIL. I sell fantasy for money on my own terms. Consent is implicit when I press a button to accept a call, and a big factor in that consent is financial consideration. Engaging me sexually or trying to manipulate me into saying whatever it is that gets them off while I’m attempting to dispatch the call is done without my consent. It is, if not sexual assault, sexual assumption of right to include me against my will. Sorry, guys, not okay.
Now let’s say a FiDo guy actually makes a call right off the bat. Ok, good sign. The problem harks back to what I mentioned before, that guys want to pay tribute and get nothing in return. When was the last time you actively ignored someone without giving them any indication that you were spending any amount of time or effort doing so? It’s extremely hard, because how do you know it was successful? When do you know it’s over? I’m asking on both sides here. Can you see where the confusion might arise? How do you know you’ve gotten what you paid for when you’ve paid for getting nothing? It’s funny to consider but at the same time a serious problem.
I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately because I recently ran across my first real financial domination phone sex caller, who for discretion’s sake I will refer to as J. I’ve had very generous regulars over the years, but none who called himself a FinDom guy or asked for financial domination in specific terms. I consider them patrons of my art, my life, my theatrical endeavors, and I am immensely grateful for them.
However, J is different. Our first contact was a paid call on which he laid it out for me- his desires, his financial situation and credit limit, his history with the fetish. It became very clear that this was not J’s first time at the FiDo rodeo, and I was intrigued. See, I don’t go for the quick, easy money; I work hard to build loyal, lasting clientele. How on earth does one sustain financial domination over the long term?
J and I have had numerous discussions about this and come to a place of understanding and agreement. It requires patience on the part of the caller- he can have some of what he wants every so often, but he can’t have everything right now. The same goes for the operator- she can’t get too greedy too quickly. The tricky part is negotiating how to handle conflict and credit limits. For example, the operator says, “buy me this $500 pair of shoes!” Caller says, “if I do that, I won’t be able to pay my rent this month.” At this point, some people would think the “Domme” should demand the shoes or threaten to cut all ties with the FiDo caller. So what, she gets the shoes (or doesn’t) but loses a client? What if he buys her the shoes and it’s the last straw that pushes him into bankruptcy? The Domme gets her shoes but will be missing out on a lot of potential tribute that could have been worth thousands of dollars had she not forced him under financially but rather allowed him to tread water.
I won’t go into very much detail about our conversations or current arrangement, as that is our business. But suffice it to say I now know without question that there are real FinDom subs out there, few and far between as they may be. Also, I finally understand the appeal: it gives their lives purpose. It was this epiphany that removed any last vestiges of guilt I had at receiving financial tribute.
I love life. I create art. I work hard to make peoples’ lives better and this world a kinder place. I give back to my community. I mentor people and help them find their path or continue their journey. I live comfortably, but that’s because I value love and experiences over material possessions and bank accounts. And like so many of us nowadays, I could use some help. I have bills to pay and groceries to buy and plane tickets to pay for so that I can go perform and share my story with the world. I will find a way as I always do, but I am not above asking the Universe for help. And I am certainly willing to supply purpose to the lives of any financial slaves out there seeking a mistress worthy of their tribute. If you choose to become one of my patrons, you can rest assured that your funds are being put toward fostering more creativity, love, and acceptance in this world. What better purpose is there? *smiles*
So to that end, I will be adding a Financial Domination page to the Aural Courtesan section of this site. I will not be promoting myself or my FinDom services beyond that, I simply wish to have a place to refer future inquirers. A big thank you to J for helping me come to terms with this tricky fetish and how naturally it suits me.