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- A Story of O’s
Happy Thanksgiving, everyone! This was the holiday in my family growing up. My single, working mother put the emphasis on gratitude and a good meal rather than the consumerism of Christmas. That stayed with me into adulthood, and my Orphans Thanksgiving meals have been going strong since back when I played den mother to a bunch of rock bands. Everybody who knows me, knows that if they don’t have somewhere to go, don’t want to cook, or have plans fall through, my door is open and there will be a delicious meal on the table. One of my great joys is cooking for my friends and family, so expressing my gratitude for their presence in my life by getting to feed them? Heaven. Of course, I recognize how lucky I am to have the means to do this every year.
So I’d like to invite you to join me in a personal holiday tradition. I portion out leftovers on paper plates, wrap them with tinfoil, and roll plastic silverware sets in napkin/paper towels. Then I go stand on the street somewhere there is a large concentration of homeless people and ask passersby if they’ve had a turkey dinner. Don’t take it personally if anyone declines. Remember, it’s not about you. But trust me when I say the genuine gratitude you will feel- from both the recipients, and from inside your own heart as you realize how blessed you are- is worth the little effort it takes. And don’t forget the pie! The best smile I saw last year was from a homeless teenager who declined the turkey but started crying happy tears when she saw the pie. (I wrap pie portions separately, so folks can take dinner, dessert, or both.)
I hope you all have delicious meals and good company in your immediate futures, but if not, there is an open door policy at my Orphan’s Thanksgiving. Feel free to message me for the address.
Where the hell did I go? I turn around and it has been almost two weeks since I’ve written. *sigh* I know it’s bad when I get emails and IM’s from people asking me if I’m ok. Am I really such a slave to technology that an absence of a few days is abnormal? The answer appears to be yes. Lol. “Normal” people get two whole days in a row off every week, but I guess we all know I’m far from normal…
One of the things occupying my time lately is my desire to explore my fantasies in the physical world as opposed to the telephonic one. I’ve made the acquaintance of a lovely man I’ll refer to only as M, who is quite delightful with discipline and reward. I’m finally getting the over-the-knee (and various other equipment) spankings I so desperately desire and richly deserve. And it is wonderful to be able to experience my fetishes in a safe and sane environment, and with Howard’s blessings. I am lucky to have a partner like him who understands my need to constantly learn and expand my horizons. Soon I will share some erotica inspired by my recent exploits, but it’s not quite ready yet…
I’ve also been spending an ungodly amount of time grocery shopping and cooking, so that Howard can have edible food that meets his dietary restrictions. I used to cook every day out of necessity- during my marriage, we simply could not afford to eat out. But I got out of the habit of cooking at home once I was back on my own and started to earn a decent living. Now I’m rediscovering my knack for improvising recipes and my love of the kitchen. It helps to have pre-portioned food ready to go in the fridge, so I’ve taken to setting aside time a couple of days a week to cook big batches of healthy things like turkey chili, veggie curry, spiced greens, vegetable ragu, roasted vegetables, whole grains, salads, etc. It’s time consuming, but I actually like that we’re eating healthier. Of course, I do miss dining out. But now I just have to be a little more careful where I go and what I order, because I have absolutely no intention of abandoning my foodie tendencies…After all, there are chef crushes out there just waiting to be discovered! *grin*
Rehearsals for Prelude to a Kiss are going well…I haven’t been called very much, but that’s all going to change this week. I have a total of four days off from Tuesday until we open on September 12th. I don’t care. I’m loving working with these folks and this is a wickedly fun character to play. If you want more details or to purchase tickets, please click here.
My trip to Spokane to produce the Wilco concert was uneventful, and the show went well. But each and every time I agree to produce another show, I am reminded that I simply don’t enjoy it much anymore. There was a time I measured my self worth by my cool rocker chick job and derived an immense amount of pleasure from being hip and in charge. But now? Eh. It’s just a job, and a rather tedious one at that. I’m efficient enough that I do my advance work properly, so the day of the show is a lot of sitting around doing nothing. I try to read or get BCB work done, but there are inevitably enough interruptions to keep me from really doing anything. *sigh* I miss my friends from my production work, and I like the feeling of a job well done, but it most certainly has lost its lustre for me. Which doesn’t mean I won’t produce more shows in the future of course. Lol. Glutton for punishment, that’s me. *wink*
So I realized I’ve been blogging for four and a half years now. And looking back, I’m really glad I’ve kept at it. What started as a way to promote my previous phone sex character, Donna Dione Hill, has turned into a honest journal of my life experiences. And the truth is, even reading back a couple of months makes me cringe. Lol. So easy to judge, instead of loving the lessons I learn each day that make me grow as a person. But I think I’m getting to that point in my life where I am really coming to terms with who I am and what I do, what works for me, and what I need to change.
And one thing that’s very clear to me? Bay City Blues and phone sex are going to be a part of my life for a long time. I think I go in phases, where the various work off the phone (website maintenance, girl management, blog writing, promotion) begins to wear me down and detract from my enjoyment on the phone. But I’m beginning to recognize when that’s happening, and I’ve started to simply sign out and take a little time for myself. So that is another reason you may be seeing a little less of me. The good news is that my new strategy has totally reinvigorated me and inspired me on the phone. Couple that with my new sexual experimentation, and I find my voracious appetite for aural orgasms has returned with hurricane force. I can’t help it- there is something unbelievably gratifying about knowing I can make a man cum with simply my voice and imagination. *smile*
Anyway, I’m still alive and well, though you may have to put up with me being less available during these next few weeks of heavy rehearsals. Never fear, I’m happy to bear the brunt of your frustrations when we finally do connect. Lol.
Wow. It’s never the post you expect. I mean, I write ice-cold flames and sizzling-hot porno that don’t get this much attention…But blog about miniature horses, and the floodgates open. Seriously, I’ve gotten more comments and emails about those tiny ponies than any other topic I’ve written about in at least the past year, from as far away as Vancouver, BC! The general consensus is that they are the product of an artistic Portlander with a sense of humor. Yeah I kind of figured that part out on my own. Lol. But so far no one has stepped forward to claim responsibility or provided me a name of the artist. I’m on the hunt now…
Oooh, the interview I did for Chef Crush is up now at Desperate Chefs’ Wives! I’m a geek, I admit it- I think it’s pretty cool that people like the site enough to want to interview us. I just hope I’m able to keep up the pace- it will be more difficult now that we’re not eating out very much…
I alluded to it in a previous entry, but there are some major things going on in my life right now. Howard was recently diagnosed with type 2 diabetes, so we have made a lot of changes over the past couple weeks. In the end, they will mean a vast improvement in our general health and well-being. But right now? It sucks. Try telling a 50-year-old man who has never been on a diet before in his life that he now has to eat his fruits and vegetables and can’t have 32 ounces of red meat every day. This is someone who considered ketchup a vegetable and ate meat at almost every single meal. Lol, but true. Having struggled with eating disorders much of my life, I know how to diet…It’s not fun when one person does it, and it’s doubly not fun when two people are doing it. It ~does~ make it easier to behave, knowing that it literally is a matter of life and death, but finding new chef crushes has become a daunting prospect due to dietary restrictions. Dining out must be done less frequently and less expansively. *sigh*
The good news is that I’m cooking a lot more and rediscovering my talent for tasty, healthy food. Just the other day I made a turkey chili with tons of veggies that came out great. I’m actually shocked by what a trooper Howard is being about this. I’ve seen him try foods in the past week that he had never eaten in his life, nor ever wanted to. He’s not thrilled, but he’s taking it like a man. And oh yeah…He went from smoking three packs a day to NOTHING in less than a week! I’m happy he finally quit, but I could have done without the diabetes to make it happen. *shrug* What can we do? Just make the necessary changes and keep a positive attitude. We’re trying to focus on the opportunities this will eventually create, rather than the sacrifices we have to make now.
And it comes at as good a time as any, because nerves always wreak havoc on my appetite during rehearsals for a show. Upon multiple readings of the script, I am more convinced than ever that I ended up in the correct role for me. Funny how these things go, isn’t it? I also signed up for an acting class with a well-respected local teacher and actor. I’ve really been missing being in an ongoing scene study workshop like the one in NYC I participated in, so I finally got off my ass and found one here. The session runs Saturday mornings from September 27 to December 6, and I’m really looking forward to being back in a constructive, learning environment. I wasn’t sure I wanted to sign up for this session, since it overlaps the play performances by two weeks and I didn’t want to overcommit myself. But I figure by the time we’re running, I should have it together enough to be in class on show days. Lol.
I’m also currently obsessed with making graphics. I’m using GIMP, which is a free program and so far pretty easy to get the hang of, but I plan on buying Photoshop soon. I’m just holding off because I know once I do purchase it, I’ll feel pressured to really buckle down and LEARN it. That probably means using a tutorial, rather than just stumbling around until I get something close to what I want, like I’m doing now. Lol. In the meantime, I’ve been practicing on graphics of the BCB girls for them to use on the Bay City Blues phone sex blog. Like this one I made for me…
Hehehe…Doesn’t that whet your appetite for a phone sex fairy tale? *winks*
Well well well. Write a little story about dominating someone, and you better be prepared to hear about it from people who are accustomed to making you their whining, pleading bitch of a fucktoy. LMFAO! You know you you are. *wink* It’s fun to switch when it suits my mood, what can I say?
Unfortunately, it appears if I want to explore the mistress in me, I’m going to have to find subs who can accomodate my learning curve. I think I don’t move fast enough for most prospective play partners. Which you will probably find amusing, if you know me at all. But see, my life is pretty damn excellent, and I don’t want to fuck it up by rushing into a situation that’s not right for me. I have fairly specific needs and expectations of any kind of intimacy outside of my relationship with Howard, so it’s worth taking time to find the right person and moving slow enough to build boundaries and comfort levels.
I’m really looking for two people…First, one dominant male or female, because I would like to experience more intense and extreme submission, humiliation, and pain. Not only do I enjoy it, but I also think it helps me when in control to understand what my sub is going through. Second, a submissive male for all sorts of physical punishment and psychological mind games. For some reason, at least right now, submissive females do not appeal to me. Part of me thinks it’s because I would have a hard time hurting another woman (even with her consent), but the other part of me thinks I’d frighten myself with how easily I might redirect my repressed gender rage. Lol, but true.
As much as I adore phone sex, especially with an element of kink, I do need more practical bdsm experience. Thankfully, I have enough to know that things rarely turn out the way you expect them to. Being honest, compassionate, and flexible is usually a better way to both please your partner and get what you want, than subscribing to some dictate that all subs act one way and all doms another.
Just my thoughts. *smile* Now I need to go buy fixin’s for our Fourth of July barbecue on Friday. We’re just having a couple of friends over, but you know me…I’m incapable of planning food for anything less than a small army. Here’s the menu…
hot dogs & bratwurst
chips and veggies with dip
chocolate chip cookies (and maybe snickerdoodles)
I was thinking of making an apple pie because, well, it’s just so patriotic. But it’s also labor intensive (peeling and coring and slicing, oh my!), so in the true American spirit, I decided to be lazy instead. Hehehe! I ~am~ making the cookies and the sangria myself, but everything else is going to be store-bought. I may be a budding foodie, but on July 4th, I want pure Americana. Wonder bread buns and deli-counter macaroni salad and sugary baked beans from a can. Juicy dogs that plump when you cook ’em (for just one day, fuck those fat-free filler dogs!). Greasy, cheesy burgers that ooze deliciousness all way down to your elbows. I’d even consider making Paula Deen’s ultimate heart attack burgers, but they take too much work. Lol. I’m off to the store…
I used this recipe. They’re pretty good but not quite what I remember from my time as an exchange student in Chile. Of course, it was 17 years ago, so who knows if I’m remembering correctly. Lol! I think I used the wrong kind of Adobo seasoning, and I like more raisins for sweetness and texture. But they’re pretty damn close to what I was aiming for. Yum!
Only two more shows left…I can’t believe it’s almost over! I feel so blessed to have been a part of this production…I’ve met so many amazing people…And last night I was reminded of yet another difference between Portland and NYC…Here, people from the audience don’t say “good job, nice work” like they do in Manhattan. They say, “thank you!” It’s the coolest thing, actual appreciation rather than a begrudging acknowledgement…Every time I hear it, I feel so thankful and humble…And it makes me so happy that I decided to come back home…
Tomorrow is closing night, and while it is definitely going to be sad bid the show and my incredible castmates farewell, I am ready to move on…There are a lot of things on my big To Do Before I Die list that are completely do-able NOW if I just get my ass in gear…The upcoming trip to Jamaica has got me primed for travel and exploration…Learning…The taking in of new stimuli and information…I feel like I have focused so intently on acting and phone sex in the past four years, I’ve missed a few adventures…
I balance that notion with the knowledge that I’ve made so many friends from both of my favorite endeavors and also experienced joys and delights I never imagined…There are no regrets here, just a simple realization that as time passes, my priorities shift…I cannot imagine ever not doing phone sex or being a part of Bay City Blues, nor could I continue to put in 80 hour weeks indefinitely…It’s weird learning how to leave my baby alone, so to speak, while I go do things…And then coming back with new experiences and insight to share, coming home to my friends and family…It enables me to enjoy and cherish my time on the phone even more…
Lately my calls have been truly amazing…As I’ve mentioned before, it is the nature of phone sex that callers drift in and out of my life, and it often goes in waves…Recently I’ve spoken with some new clients who are deliciously intriguing and attentive…There is just something so fun about getting to discover a new person, unwrapping them like a present…It also gives me fresh appreciation for those friends I have who endure, regardless of the length of our professional relationship…There are people you can count on in your life…I’m sure you know the ones I mean…I like that I am that person for so many others, and that there are select few I can always depend on when the chips are down…
I’ve been thinking that maybe this blog isn’t sexy enough…That I should make an effort to write more erotica and talk about my sexual exploits…But then someone will say something to me on the phone like, “you are so REAL. It’s why I call you and nobody else.” And I guess I have to believe that if I were all 100% sex all the time, people would see right through it. At least, the people who matter to me would. No one is always ON, especially not those of us who make our living in the sex industry. I have my bad days. I’m moody and emotional and volatile as hell. But I also truly love giving pleasure. So I save the graphic stuff for the telephone or the bedroom, unless I feel truly compelled…Should you be so lucky as to be one of my lovers, you will discover for yourself the different facets of my sexuality…But anyone is welcome to share my brain…Frightening prospect…Hehehe…
I’m off to finish the white bean and kale soup I’m making…Smells good…Oooh did I mention that I’m still cigarette free??? Yay! I’m going to celebrate with a glass of wine later…Lol…One vice at a time, right?
Let’s see, so much going on lately…The show has been fantastic, and I can’t believe it’s almost over! Two more weekends then we close on the 23rd. Only seven shows left- it’s just flying by! I think I will be ready for it to end when it does though…That vacation to Jamaica is sounding better and better…Hehehe…
On Sunday, Howard made a gargantuan pot of Cincinnati chili and we had a bunch of people over after the matinee. Was mostly cast and crew, plus a couple other friends of mine and some pals from PortlandFood. Our first real party in over three years! (I’m not counting Thanksgiving, because that was just a few friends and family for the meal.) We had a total of twenty people, and it was an absolute blast. Our place in Hoboken was so small and I didn’t know that many people there, so it wasn’t conducive to dinners, parties, and such…It’s nice being able to play hostess again!
I’ve also made some pretty big decisions as far as my lifestyle goes…I had been noticing a general physical malaise setting in and decided it was finally time to quit poisoning myself…So I have cut my alcohol, nicotine, caffeine, and dairy intake drastically. Basically, I refuse to smoke cigarettes any longer. Alcohol and caffeine make me want to smoke, so they too must go, at least for the time being. I recently discovered that many Asians are lactose intolerant, hence the choice to limit dairy as I am half Vietnamese.
I’m not being militant about it. (Except for the cigarettes. No more cancer sticks and death breath, yay me!) I’m going to have a glass of wine with dinner occaisionally, or a cup of coffee here and there. But no more damn-did-I-drink-the-whole-bottle or two-cups-of-French-press-to-wake-up. I love to eat, and I especially love to eat out. Restaurants use butter. And cream and cheese and eggs. I’m not going to completely deprive myself. But I’ve been feeling yucky lately so something had to change. Basically, this is what I’m avoiding, in order of importance:
processed sugars and carbs (white bread, white sugar, white rice)
non-organic packaged foods/ingredients
No, I’m not going gung-ho vegan. Like I said, I know dairy is going into some things I eat in restaurants. But I won’t be eating it at home and I can avoid cheesy/creamy things as much as possible when I go out. I’ll be eating meat and seafood, but probably only from verified organic and free-range sources, and a lot less than before. I’m going to insist on organic produce however, because the crap going in and on our food is truly frightening. Seriously, read an ingredient list sometime. Thank god a major tenet of “Pacific Northwest cuisine” is local sourcing and fresh, natural ingredients.
So what inspired this purification (*snort* I can hardly use that word in conjunction with myself and keep a straight face.) you may ask? I read a book called Skinny Bitch which is a no-nonsense kick in the pants. I highly recommend it, although I think it’s probably more effective in its tone to women than to men. Still, I doubt you will look at food and drink the same way after you read it…
Since I made these changes a couple weeks ago, I notice my energy is up, appetite is down, and my skin looks fantastic. *shrug* I wasn’t ready until now to really commit to being healthy, but this is surprisingly easy and the payoff is amazing. And yeah I’ll probably eat a steak or have a few beers every once in a while…Life has to be worth living after all!
And dammit I keep forgetting to take a picture of me in costume as Alice for you all to see. I have this curly 20’s-style bob with a Betty Boop curlicue, black cat eyes, and fuck-me-dead-red lipstick on…Very Cabaret…I’m getting good with the hair and make-up too…Ah well I will try to remember on Thursday…
So somehow I managed to throw my back out and have been in excruciating pain off and on for four days…Picture me cooking enough food for a cruise ship in between bouts of gripping the counter and cursing like a truck driver…I could barely lift the damn turkey, but it was worth it to get to share a nice leisurely meal with Howard, my mom, and the friends that showed up…
I finally made myself go to the hospital yesterday and am now all hopped up on Vicodin…All I can say is that I can totally see how people get hooked on this shit…LOL! Although the pills really don’t agree with my stomach…Oh well, I’d rather be nauseated occasionally than doubled over by back pain…Besides, I had already paid for an audition workshop that was today and knew I wouldn’t be able to sit still for six hours without chemical help…The class ended up being very informative, though more about the business of how to sell yourself in an audition than about the creative process…It’s what I needed, but not what I wanted, you know?
Anyway, that’s why I’ve been MIA, and I apologize…I am starting to feel better, but I don’t want to risk re-injury so I’ll be taking it easy the next few days…At least I’m comfortable when I’m lying on my back…*wink*
Hope you had a wonderful holiday, and may the coming year bring you much to be thankful for…