Now that I’ve been back to full time phone sex work, I’m reminded that there’s a negotiation of sorts that happens with almost every new caller. It’s a verbal sparring, an exploration of boundaries and limits and vocabulary. A compatibility test. I call it The Dance, and it goes a little something like this…
Caller: It says online that you have no limits. I want to make sure that’s true.
Me: I have no limits while we’re on the phone. During our call, you can say or do anything.
Caller: Are you sure? I like really dirty, fucked up stuff.
Me: Trust me. I won’t say it’s impossible to shock me, because every time I do the Universe makes me a liar. But I’m pretty sure there’s a greater chance of me saying something that freaks you out than vice versa. How about this- if at any time I become so uncomfortable with your fantasy that I can’t handle it, I will politely let you know.
Caller: Okay, great!
Me: My only limits are that outside the context of phone sex, you treat me like a human being and know the difference between fantasy and reality.
Here’s where it gets interesting. There are two common responses to this: disinterest and relief. Some guys just sort of disengage at that point. They don’t often hang up altogether, but regardless of how hot the call is, they don’t usually call back either. I think the reason is simple- on some level, they don’t want there to be a difference between fantasy and reality no matter how illegal, immoral, or impossible their proclivities might be. They want to believe the fantasy is 100% real right up until the point they disconnect and dissociate. Then it no longer matters.
These are the same callers who cannot or will not articulate what they want. Instead, they repeatedly insist, “I want to know what you like! I just want to please you!” But when I tell them honestly, they’re disappointed because the truth is they don’t actually just want to please me. What they want is for my personal fantasies to magically complement their own so they can believe I’m getting as much satisfaction as they are. “But haha you’re so lucky you get to enjoy yourself and you get paid for it!”
I’m happy to speak with these clients, but they don’t really want me. They don’t actually want a real person on the other end of the phone. And that’s ok. I’ve come to understand what I once judged as cold and impersonal phone sex is actually a much needed service and in its own way, exactly as personally tailored for the customer as they need. There are callers for whom the veil of anonymity (whether real or perceived) provides a peace of mind necessary for their release. They simply don’t tend to be repeat clientele of mine.
On the other hand, there are some callers whose relief is audible when I express my limits. They need to know I am an individual capable of consent, and a willing participant in their fantasy. They want reassurance that I’m not a mindless drone barely paying more attention than contempt, or someone being forced to engage with them. These callers often have wildly different desires, ranging from extremely depraved to sweetly romantic, but what they all share is a need for human connection.
Now that I have returned to being a full time phone companion, I’m realizing how much I’ve missed providing this for people. And I won’t lie: it’s incredibly flattering that so many previous callers have expressed their excitement over my return. I’m glad to be back, too! I eagerly anticipate getting reacquainted, or if you’re a brand new potential client, I look forward to dancing with you.
Tonya