- Aural Courtesan
- Favorite Things
- One Thousand Words
- Make My Day
- Contact Me
- Events & Appearances
- Talking Dirty
- A Story of O’s
This post has been a long time coming. As you can see, I haven’t written much lately, mostly because I’ve been dreading writing this. I don’t know what to say or how to say it eloquently, so I’ll just spit it out. (Heh.) After almost twelve years of doing phone sex full-time, I need a break. There, I said it. Whew.
If you are or have been a client of mine, thank you from the bottom of my heart and depths of my cunt. I can’t begin to tell you what this job has meant to me, what you have meant to me…The amazing people I’ve “met” over the years, both callers and operators…The financial freedom it allowed me, which enabled my creative endeavors and tours…The countless orgasms shared with complete strangers to dear friends…The conversations, oh the conversations I have had, the things I have learned…I could never adequately express my appreciation…
But twelve years is a long time at any job these days, and I find I need a change. You probably already noticed I’ve been cutting back my phone sex hours drastically, and I’ve managed to tell many of you myself on calls, dispatch, or via email. I’m calling it a partial retirement, as I am still taking select calls by appointment. However, my availability is severely limited. I’ve been lucky enough to find another job I enjoy, with a small local company, and it’s even food-related, so I get to work with another medium I love. But it’s a M-F, 9-5 thing, and that means you get me on nights and weekends only.
I know this makes it difficult to arrange, especially when privacy is often impromptu, so I expect I’ll lose many of you. I hope you find a stellar replacement for me and only wish I had someone specific to refer you to. I fear phone sex is slowly going the way of the typewriter though, which is part of the reason I’m having to more or less close Bay City Blues. It’s just too hard to find other quality operators and keep them. Not sure what I’m going to do with the websites eventually, but I can’t bring myself to turn them off completely yet. Who knows? Maybe BCB 3.0 will rear its head someday.
But for now, I’m trying to adjust to life in the non-sex-work world. Did you know most people put pants on before they go to work? Lol! Seriously though, my new job is pretty great, and they’re even willing to let me do a few festivals a year, so I still get to fringe it up in the summers!
Speaking of which, it’s almost festival season again! I’m doing A Story of O’s in London (Ontario, not England) and Vancouver, and Threads in Ottawa and Indianapolis. This is my first time in Ottawa and Indy, and I’ve never done two different shows in one season, so there will be a steep learning curve I’m sure. But I’m looking forward to getting back on the road- after doing five festivals each year in 2012 and 2013, only doing Edmonton last year felt like I was missing something.
Anyway…So there you have it. My big news. Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, maybe I’ll be able to post a little more frequently. This is not goodbye. It’s just hello to a new me that isn’t going to be at your beck and call quite as often as I have been for the last decade. Again, thank you, thank you, thank you for your support and patronage over the years. You’ve changed my life in unimaginable ways and taught me so much about love, sex, and human connections. I am honored to have been your phone sex provider and proud to call many of you my friends.
(Wow. I just re-read this and I’m tearing up. Feels like a big deal. I think I need to go cry now.)
Can we take a ride? Get out of this place while we still have time…
A few days ago, I wrote this whole long response to a post on Pornocracy and figured I would share it here too, since I get asked these questions a lot…
First of all, a disclaimer: I co-own the phone sex website whose ad you saw on FetLife. I’ve been a phone sex operator for over 4.5 years, and I love it but it is definitely not for everybody. I’ll try to answer some of your questions as best I can…
A pleasant, natural-sounding voice. The guys who make the best clients (frequent, long calls) see right through a breathy, fake “porno” voice. Though most pso’s use models and aliases, guys often want to be able to connect to a real person. Phone sex straddles a fine line between fantasy, and reality tempered with willing suspension of disbelief. Too much of one or the other can actually ruin it for most callers.
You must be verbal, outgoing, and a good conversationalist. A lot of longer calls involve non-sexual talk, but if you can’t say words like cock, cunt, and fuck out loud, there’s going to be a major problem.
Open-mindedness, willingness to listen, and ability to step outside your personal judgments. Regardless of fetish, what 99% of phone sex callers really want boils down to a single human being needing love and acceptance from another. My partner and I believe the most successful pso’s actually care about their clients and enjoy their jobs. Hence the reason we chose FetLife, figuring we could draw from a pool of talent already pre-disposed to enjoying kink and being sexually accepting.
Another thing you rightly mention is how to take care of yourself. Think of it in terms of bdsm. Conscientious players would not simply enter and exit a scene without defining boundaries and limits and determining needs like after care. Don’t work for a company that forces you to talk about anything you are uncomfortable with. How can a call where someone finds the topic distasteful be good for either the caller or the operator? Conversely, I also recommend against companies where you can’t talk about some subjects and have to speak in euphemisms. It sucks to constantly worry about censoring yourself while you’re hot and bothered and trying to go with the flow.
Most veteran pso’s have been through the tunnel- you get so used to the money and the thrill of being wanted, that you fixate and stop having a life of your own outside work. You have to be self-aware enough stay current with your psychological state and take time for yourself when you need it.
Am I just doing this for the money, or does the idea of talking about sex a lot sound like FUN? Am I willing to treat something that heretofore was pure enjoyment with the discipline required of a REAL JOB? Can I honestly make myself log in the required hours and do the necessary work OFF the phone to get calls (if applicable) without minute-to-minute supervision?
Do I have adequate privacy? Callers don’t want to hear your boyfriend or your dog or your kids. (Well, most of them anyway. Haha.) And your mate probably doesn’t want to hear YOU getting off on the phone with someone else. Also, if your significant other is unsupportive of your phone sex job or the extremely jealous type, it will make your life very difficult and this job nearly impossible.
Do I have reasonable expectations? Phone sex can be very enjoyable, but it is also a lot of work. Forty-hour availability and average talent will earn you somewhere between $100-$300 a week in most cases. Really great operators can make over a $1,000 a week, but that is not the norm.
Can I handle extreme fantasies? I know I said don’t work for a company that won’t let you set your own limits, but the truth is this is a business. MOST calls involve things these guys cannot say to anyone else, either for legal or religious or myriad other reasons. If you can’t handle underage, incest, bestiality, or rape fantasies, you’re severely winnowing down your pool of prospective clients. These are common fantasies (and easily rationalized by most Psych 101 courses) and often requested. At the very least, can you accept that while you might find the fantasy abhorrent, while your caller is on the phone with you, he’s not out doing it in the world?
Phone sex is a form of social service in my opinion, and those who approach it as such are much more equipped to deal with the pro’s and con’s.
In the end, the most important thing is to EDUCATE YOURSELF. There are a lot of sleazy people out there- do not let yourself be exploited by them. If it feels wrong, trust your instinct. Search “phone sex” on different search engines and click around the different sites to get a feel for them and the business.
Best of luck to you!